Well some guy named the Illusive Man decided to pick me up after skydiving and give me a few stitches. For the most part I'm back together, but I have a splitting headache. Apparently there's these alien machine death bringer things now, he's calling them Reapers. They're gonna kill errbody, and he thinks I'm the one to stop them.
He sent me to a human colony to figure out where all these people went, and when I got there I realized why they left, the place was CRAWLING with killer robots. Turns out though, these things called the Collectors are working for the Reapers.
After I returned to the Illusive Man he gave me a new ship and told me to find a bunch of people to try to stop the galaxy from being destroyed. I was hoping to have a nice long vacation with some blue alien chicks.